FWD Feature: Han Canute (They/Them)
Pride Month is a time to celebrate π³οΈβπ and to recognize and acknowledge the work that lies ahead.
We had the honor to connect with Han Canute this month to learn more about their journey as a non-binary person. They shared some incredible insights!
Can you share your personal journey of self-discovery and embracing your gender identity and/or sexual orientation? How has this shaped your understanding of pronouns and the importance of inclusive language?
I first learned the word βgayβ and what it meant in my Kingdom Hall as a young child. The line I was told as a child was βWe canβt judge othersβ but also βJesus doesnβt approve so those who love him would never be gayβ. Even my young mind was confused by these two clearly different attitudes. My young mind was also terrified remembering my first playground kiss was in first grade with my best friend at that time, a girl. This was the first time I felt guilty for a part of myself that I didnβt even know yet.
By late elementary, I was developing curves, and I was panicking. I hated these new parts of me and I didnβt know why. I think to myself how much easier it would be to be a boy, I wouldnβt have boobs, and it would be okay for me to have crushes on the girls just like my friends had crushes on the boys, I of course didnβt speak this out loud. I was too confused to understand myself let alone explain myself. I told myself I was crazy, there was a boy in sixth grade I βlike likedβ so I couldnβt be gay.
In middle school that changed. I became friends with an older girl, we rode the bus together and lived a short walk away from each other. Then one day I noticed how pretty she was and how her smile made me want to smile. This was totally different than the crush I had. That was my moment, I knew I definitely wasnβt straight. But she had a boyfriend and I wasnβt going to risk our friendship by telling her how I felt. I was terrified she would hate me and never let me sleep over at her house again. Instead, I started flirting with a boy and ultimately entered into a long-term relationship with him. My friend and I fell out of touch after a fight I donβt even remember now and I ended up dating that guy for years after.
During that relationship, I realized I was being someone I was never meant to be. I was no longer living in my hometown, still in a relationship with my first boyfriend and it was toxic, I was still confused about who I was and not in a safe place to grow. I knew I was gay, everyone in my life knew I was pansexual but I still didnβt like being a woman but tried not to think about it. Then I was in lockdown with most of the work due to Covid-19 and I suddenly had a lot of time on my hand. I was scrolling through TikTok and came across this new term βnon-binaryβ. I had known what a transgender person was but I had never heard of being non-binary. Suddenly I started to fit into a group. These people felt the same way I felt about gender. I started going using she/they pronouns and Mx. instead of Ms. at my job. At home, I wasnβt supported. My boyfriend told me I would always be a woman and told me I was just trying to test his limits. I just wanted to be me.
It wasnβt until I met a coworker who was a transgender male that I felt validated. I had a safe place to talk about my gender, not fitting in the binary, and body dysphoria. My confidence was growing. Then my best friend asked me βWhen are you going to finally drop she and only use they/them pronounsβ. She was right, my pronouns were they/them, not she/they. I was ready to give myself permission to find myself and grow.
In the last two years, I worked hard on understanding my gender identity. I experimented with he/him pronouns and gender-neutral terms. I officially came out to everyone in my life as non-binary during Pride Month of 2022 and introduced myself with they/them pronouns. I donβt know how to describe the euphoria of hearing my parents call me their child, not their daughter, or when my coworkers held each other accountable.
What do you think is the biggest misconception people have about pronouns and gender identities within the LGBTQIA+ community? How can we address these misconceptions and promote greater understanding?
Speaking from my own experience, some people do not understand they/them pronouns. I have had a person tell me it would be easier to call me "it" rather than they or them. Their reasoning being that I am not multiple people so I can't use plural pronouns. This comes from a basic misunderstanding of language.
Many people also think that gender is a fad. When in reality there is history dating back to the Egyptians of language and drawings of people who were neither male or female. If our history was better understood maybe it wouldn't be so foreign.
Are there any specific challenges you have faced or observed when it comes to pronoun usage and acceptance within society? How can we create a more inclusive environment that respects and affirms diverse pronoun choices?
When I first started using they/them pronouns I was told it was confusing because I was too feminine presenting. Apparently, non-binary people cannot wear leggings, have long hair, and use nice-smelling shampoo. Strangers were expecting me to fit into their image of androgyny. I found myself on a mission to "look non-binary" when there is no one way a non binary person looks.
One great example of being more inclusive is what my friends and family do in public social situations. They have started using gender-neutral terms and pronouns until that person tells them their preferred pronouns. This is for two reasons, 1. to avoid miss gendering someone based on their outward appearance and 2. to practice using gender-neutral language. I have also noticed that more cisgender people are introducing themselves with their pronouns, in turn normalizing the use of pronouns for anyone.
How do you navigate situations where others may unintentionally or intentionally misgender you? Do you have any strategies or advice for individuals who may encounter similar challenges in advocating for their pronoun preferences?
In the beginning, when someone used the incorrect pronouns I would rarely correct people. I was always scared to start a confrontation. I started by correcting my friends and family, they would apologize and I would say it was okay. Now when I correct most people and they apologize I say thank you instead of itβs okay. I needed to give myself the respect to stand up for who I am.
That being said, my courage changes depending on the person. Unfortunately, there are hateful people in this world. There are times when it is safest to walk away or exit the conversation. It is important to be proud but it is more important to be safe.
Can you provide examples of inclusive language beyond pronouns that can help create a more welcoming and affirming space for LGBTQIA+ individuals? How can we encourage the use of this language in various settings, such as schools, workplaces, and social interactions?
Adults unintentionally push boys and girls in different categories, even from birth. I see Facebook posts of a newborn baby boy with comments like βlittle ladyβs manβ or βheβs going to get all of the girlsβ. This tiny human hasnβt been breathing fresh air for more than a day and he is already being put in a box.
Schools do the same thing, boys vs girls, girls teams and boys teams, even asking students to line up in boy-girl order. This seems so harmless but already we are teaching kids there is one of the other. You are either a boy or a girl, no in between. Starting to use inclusive language, such as kids, friends, peers, and classmates is early confirmation there is more to just a boy or girl.
I really believe if we start using gender-neutral terms in schools, workplaces and general life individuals whose gender is outside of the binary would feel safer.
What are some positive experiences or stories you have had with individuals or organizations that have shown genuine support for pronoun usage and LGBTQIA+ inclusion? How can we amplify and share these stories to inspire others?
I am incredibly lucky to work for an organization that respects and encourages employees to be open about their pronouns, gender, and sexuality. I was even asked to be involved in equality training for all staff, including our administrations. This training has received great feedback from the cisgender individuals who attended. Every organization should have training opportunities for the staff regarding pronouns and making a safe workplace for the LGBTQIA+.
Are there any specific resources, educational materials, or online platforms that you recommend for individuals who want to learn more about pronouns and LGBTQIA+ identities? How can we make these resources more accessible and widely available?
There are some amazing resources on social media. I am a part of multiple Facebook groups that are specific to the support I need. I am part of groups for plus-size queer people, fashion for masc. presenting non-binary, pride and so many more. There are even apps for meeting queer people nearby, however, these are often turned into hook-up apps. I would love for apps or social spaces for LQBTQIS+ but with safe and easy access for all ages.
How can allies effectively support and advocate for pronoun usage and LGBTQIA+ inclusivity? What actions can individuals and organizations take to create a more supportive and affirming environment for everyone?
Normalizing the use of preferred pronouns is something that anyone, regardless of gender or sexuality can do. Things as simple as introducing yourself with your pronouns, adding your pronouns to your email signature, wear a pin even. Doing this doesn't put a spotlight on gender queer individuals using different pronouns than the ones they were assigned at birth.
In your opinion, what are some of the key elements that should be included in a comprehensive pronoun guide to ensure it is informative, inclusive, and respectful of diverse gender identities and expressions?
Gender and pronouns are connected but one doesn't depend on the other. One example is not every non-binary people use they/them pronouns. Just like gender, there is also a spectrum of pronouns. The best way to be respectful is to avoid assumptions. I think that making it clear that that pronouns do not equal gender.
Are there any particular topics or aspects of pronoun usage and LGBTQIA+ inclusion that you feel are often overlooked or not given enough attention? How can we bring more awareness and understanding to these areas?
Youth who want to experiment or use different pronouns have very little protection. There are many schools and states that don't allow the use of preferred pronouns and threaten legal ramifications for gender-affirming care. Queer youth do not have the protection they deserve. Even if it is just experimenting with pronouns or different clothes, children deserve love and support.
Do you have anything you would like to add or expand on?
I would like it to be clear that I cannot speak for everyone in the LGBTQIA+ community. These are my observations and thoughts based on my own experiences and those around me. I don't want anyone to think they are transitioning "wrong". Everyone has their own gender identity journey and deserves the opportunity to make their own road map.
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