Family by Choice: Work-Life Balance Includes Friendship
According to The American Journal of Managed Care, the first confirmed case of COVID-19 in the United States happened in January 2020 and our collective world has never been the same since. The last two years have been a whirlwind when it comes to the impact that it has had on our relationships, careers, and lives as a whole. We’ve had to adjust to a world with quarantines, mandates, uprisings, and shifts in policies that are a drastic change to the “normal” that we had grown accustomed to.
Amongst these shifts, we have experienced the desensitization of over 5.8 million deaths around the world becoming a news ticker, sickness on a scale we have only encountered in textbooks, the closing of legacy businesses, and the attrition of roles that may never return. While the aforementioned paints a bleak picture, the silver lining and shining beacon of hope for many of us has been the increased emphasis on fellowship and friendship amongst communities.
What Is The “New Normal?”
We saw a huge increase in people finding new ways to connect and stay connected with one another during the peak of the pandemic. From the rapid adaptation of meetings, events, and hangouts on video conference software platforms such as Zoom, to the increase in communities being built on digital platforms like Clubhouse, people realized that we are stronger together.
New friendships were forged, existing bonds were solidified, and the general populace found comfort in knowing that they had a tribe of people that they could consider as their support system.
While wrapping our collective minds around the term “new normal”—where life is not promised or guaranteed—many have realized that the most important currency is social capital, that relationships shape happiness, helps us stay creative, and is also one of the primary drivers for career growth and stability.
According to The Census Bureau, more than 4.4 million new businesses were created in the U.S. during 2020. This significant increase in entrepreneurial and creative ventures were fueled by people’s drive to tap into their communities, offer solutions to the new problems we faced, and find ways to make sure everyone around them were good. Much of this climate also led people to turn inward and focus their time and efforts on introspective activities to find a renewed sense of purpose. In such uncertain times, many were faced with the challenge of having to redefine their careers, discover what they were truly passionate about, and determine what was most important in their lives.
Having the realization that your time on Earth is fragile being placed in front of your face (daily, and for two consecutive years straight!) puts you in a mental space where you begin to examine what your overall success, happiness, and well-being consist of. Healthy relationships are one of the primary factors that help us have a sense of accomplishment and belonging. Referencing a staple of every undergraduate student’s existence, Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs reminded us that love, affection, and belongingness are essential upon establishing a baseline of physiological and safety needs.
How To Incorporate Friendship Into Your Work-Life Balance?
One commonly overlooked theme is the connection between one feeling fulfilled in their personal life and how that relates to a positive work-life balance experience.
As the saying goes, “all work and no play, makes Jack a dull boy,” which lends itself to the discussion of how our mental health is affected when we don’t have a good balance between how much we are working and finding the time for recreation, fellowship, or simply just rest and relaxation.
As we navigate this “new normal,” many people are redefining their relationships with work, especially in this environment where many organizations are moving towards remote-only and remote-office hybrid despite the growing push for fully back-in-office working arrangements. Here are a few strategies to help incorporate friendship into your work-life balance:
Determine Your Priorities
Spend some time seriously reflecting on what is most important to you, and make a brief list of your top priorities. Then analyze your time by asking yourself these key questions: What do I need to start doing, stop doing, continue doing, do more of, do less of, and/or do differently?
Set Specific Goals
Take your new list of priorities and turn them into concrete and measurable goals. Block time into your schedule for activities just like you would for an important meeting or appointment.
Establish Boundaries
Set fair and realistic limits on what you will and will not do to help establish a firm foundation for work-life balance. There are so many digital touchpoints where we connect with each other to have conversations about our professional and personal lives that it is important to distinguish which channels are primary for business, what are the standard hours of operations, and where contacts can reach you to further the conversation beyond the baseline platforms.
Clearly communicate these boundaries to your supervisor, colleagues, partner, and family. For instance, you might commit to not working late on certain days unless there is a crisis. Additionally, set aside a time after business hours during which you will not check or respond to work-related communications. It helps to establish a transitional activity between the two realms. Establishing boundaries creates trust and builds healthy relationships. Even when some people don’t like what you do, they will still respect you for standing up for what you believe in.
Take Care of Your Health
Your health should always be your highest priority. If you are not in good shape physically, mentally, and emotionally, both your work life and your personal life will suffer. Take care of your body by eating healthy meals, staying active, and sleeping a minimum of seven hours per night. While you may not think you have time to add activities and extra sleep to your jam-packed schedule, these practices relieve stress, raise your energy level, increase your stamina, improve your mental clarity, boost your immune system, and make you a happier, more engaged, and more productive person.
Additionally, refrain from the excessive use of alcohol, tobacco, or drugs to relieve stress. These substances only tend to keep the body in a stressed state and cause even more problems. Take care of your mind by setting aside intentional time to meditate, journal, or do any other activity that allows you to pour into yourself before you take on the daily challenges of the world. Many of these self-care activities can be done alongside people so feel free to invite your favorite co-worker to grab their yoga mat, favorite printed mask, and meet you at a venue to exhale together!
Don’t Hesitate to Ask for Help
To all of our fellow Superheroes who get overwhelmed at work and it is causing undue stress, do not allow yourself to suffer in silence. Shed the Superwoman/Superman complex by communicating your situation to your colleague, supervisor, boss, or business partner. Entrusting your friends at work can positively influence your life and career. They can provide a sounding board, help hold you accountable, make you more creative and productive, plus open doors and carve paths.
Untenable work situations can usually be alleviated, however, it will take some assertiveness on your part. Similarly, if balance continues to elude you, or you are experiencing chronic stress, talk with a professional -- a counselor, clergyperson, or mental health professional. Take advantage of the services offered by your employee assistance program or emerging platforms, such as Cerebral, Talkspace and BetterHelp.
Nurture Your Relationships
We cannot ignore the positive effects of friendship, community, and work-life balance on mental health.
People tend to feel a lot better about themselves and their lives when they have an adequate balance between their work, relationships, and leisure activities. Much of this is driven by their friends and family. We would be remiss to not mention the fact that many friendships, especially the ones forged during the pandemic, begin to take on a deeper connection similar to that of a familial nature. The term “family by choice” was coined by people who have endured significant losses and may still have the presence of family by formal definition, yet overcoming collective challenges together has caused friends to become family over time.
For all parties involved, there is a considerable increase in satisfaction and one’s positive perception of their lives when they have a good support system and feel loved and cared for by those closest to them. With that said, it is imperative that we all talk time to recognize the importance of friendships and positive relationships of all types in our lives. We must all remember to prioritize nurturing our relationships, stay open to forging new bonds, and work towards living our best lives together and as a community.
Make Time for You
As much as work, health, and relationships take priority in your life, it is also important to schedule time for your own renewal. Indulge in some small pleasure daily. Take at least 45 minutes of uninterrupted "you time." At least 15 intentional minutes each for mind, body, and spirit will do wonders for your well-being, and your relationships and your career will benefit too.
We are driven more than ever in this global landscape to give and receive love, and be connected to some sort of communal structure, whether that be via family, romantic relationships, and/or platonic friendships. In the pursuit of forming and strengthening these dynamics, it is possible to have a successful professional career and a fulfilling personal life.
About the Authors:
We are one of countless examples of “family by choice.” Marc J. Kelly is an entrepreneur, educator and business advisor from Harlem, New York. He launched the Refined Apothecary in 2020 to help provide natural, holistic self-care solutions to help people manage their mental health and physical health during the pandemic and beyond. Lisa Marie Jackson is a multi-disciplinary marketing entrepreneur from Brooklyn, New York. She established Travel ˈjərnē in 2021 as a travel self-care lifestyle brand and community for remote-workers where a portion of the product proceeds go to organizations who advocate for BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ voices around the world.
We were working remotely on a website development project together for a phenomenal Black-owned Cannabis SAAS company when the pandemic was declared a national emergency. Over the course of one year, this transformed our conversations from business calls to spirit checks to make sure that we were still managing to stand amid the waves of changes that became such a commonplace. These intentional deeper dives into who we each are as individuals beyond the scope of what has shaped us as professionals helped us establish a priceless friendship in the process. We decided to formally join forces during the second wave of the pandemic since we noticed so many synergies between our consulting and eCommerce brands, as well as writing styles.
To learn more about us and what we do, please visit our websites (links above) or feel free to reach out through FWD using the ‘Get Involved’ tab!
Authors: Lisa Marie "Phoenix" Jackson is a multi-disciplinary marketing entrepreneur from Brooklyn, NY. Marc J. Kelly is an entrepreneur, educator and business advisor from Harlem, New York.
Connect with the author Lisa Marie "Phoenix" Jackson:
Website | LinkedIn | Twitter | Instagram | Facebook
Connect with the author Marc J. Kelly:
